Somebody Cue the Music, Please...

You've all probably heard the saying "life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning how to dance in the rain". I've done a pretty good job at dancing in the rain, after all I've been in the middle of a storm for the past 10 months. And even though I have not-so-good days, the good definitely out way the bad, most of the time, until lately.

In just the past couple of weeks my truck has left me stranded three times, twice with a dead battery and once with a flat tire. We replaced the battery and patched the tire. Both were relatively cheap fixes. Then the washing machine broke, but fortunately we were able to find a replacement from craigslist and talk the sellers down to just $100, only to find out while Bob was installing the new washer that the hot water tank is rusty and should be replaced very soon.

Old me would have been upset by these things. I would have thought enough is enough already and had a pity party for days. But honestly, none of it mattered to me. None of it stressed me out.  I was still dancing.

The past five days I can't say that has been the case. Since Friday I've been somewhat of an emotional train wreck. Most times I can tie my bad moods to something, an incident, a story, my monthly cycle, being overly tired. SOMETHING! Not this. I think this must just be an accumulation of my current circumstances. I despise winter, snow, and cold. I'm not a fan of the holidays. And I'm absolutely sick of having c*****.

I try to look on the positive side. I'm sure there are plenty of people who would say I'm lucky because I am only stage 2, and yes, I get that. I try to remind myself of this all the time. But on some days, days like today, and the previous four days, I'm having trouble keeping things in the usual perspective.

I'm worn. I'm tired. I would like to be done now.

 As I shared before I have scheduled an appointment for my next breast ultrasound. It will be on December 4th at 9 am. I guess that people would think I may feel some sort of sense of relief knowing that a checkup is near, but that really isn't the case. It seems that the closer I get to the appointment the harder the time I have holding it all together.

I was hoping, probably unrealistically, that when I went back for this check up that "it" would be gone. But what if it isn't?

 Then I keep going.

 What I need to remember is that as long as there is forward progress then there is success. As long as it is smaller than the last time, then what I am doing is working and I will continue. I need to focus on how far I've come not how far I have to go.

Pray for my sanity as this day approaches. I know my husband and children would appreciate it. And I swear the next post will be more upbeat than the last two. I hate to sound like such a downer all the time.