Staying the Course

It isn't a question of how much we can endure but how long can we endure it. This has been my belief for a long time. We can handle being sick a day or two because we know that it is temporary. We know in a few days we'll feel all better and life will be normal again.

I remember the hardest part of being pregnant for me was the morning sickness, which if it was truly only in the morning it wouldn't have been bad. It was round the clock nausea for months. At first it wasn't so awful, but after awhile it wears you down. You get tired of being sick and tired.

That's where I am now. I have moments of "I'm so over having this". I miss having hair. I miss washing it. I miss brushing it. I miss pulling it back in a ponytail. I even miss having bad-hair-days.

I miss food. I miss eating food that I like. I want a piece of pepperoni pizza with extra cheese.

So while I have these moments from time to time throughout the week I don't let them overtake me. This is a mind game more than anything. I have to stay focused and in the moment. I have to take it day by day. I know what I have to do and I need to just do it. I'm well aware there is a bigger, grander picture, but I can't think about that right now. I need to "stay the course".

My focus this week:

Today is Monday, May 6th.  I am getting my first H2O2  IV treatment. Wednesday, May 8th, I have my first appointment for thermal imaging, which will serve as a baseline of where I'm starting. This will make it possible to monitor my progress.

As I eat every bite of green leafy goodness I will visualize c***** cells dying. Every ounce of those 64oz of carrot juice will be a small victory.

Just as I imagined the moment of getting "the phone call" when they told me the bad news, I will imagine "the phone call" getting the good news one hundred times over.

This week I won't be focused on one misguided "anonymous"  soul who tried to ruin my day with his comments left on my blog. I'll be focused and grateful for the many people who have sent cards, spoken or wrote encouraging words, who have given generously, and have initiated fundraisers on my behalf. Words can not even convey how much I appreciate it all. I am truly blessed to be surrounded by such wonderfully thoughtful people.

I'm also thankful that my ovaries are functioning again, which has probably contributed somewhat to my moodiness this week.

Trying to heal my body has to be my time consuming priority, so I'll only be updating here once a week. That one day will probably happen on Sundays.


Enjoy your week.