Crazy is Okay

Now that my hair is growing back I frequently get asked the question "so, you're all done with treatments now?" by people who see me but may not know or follow my story. There's always a hesitation on my part before answering. During those few seconds before I answer I'm contemplating whether to answer honestly or just say "yep, all done" and leave it at that.

Each time I've chosen to tell the truth by simply saying "after much prayer I've decided to quit conventional treatment and have chosen to heal myself holistically". Most times this results in a look of complete shock, as you can imagine, followed by awkward silence, unless of course I'm accompanied by someone who knows my story.  In that case, it always seems that whoever I am with feels the need to defend my decision.

Why not just say I'm done and leave it at that? It would be easier. I wouldn't be subjecting myself to silent stares or quiet criticism.

In my mind I feel as though that would somehow mean I am ashamed or embarrassed of my choice which couldn't be further from the truth. From the time I said I was done with chemo I haven't, even for one second, thought I had made the wrong decision. I sometimes think it sounds completely crazy, which I'm sure is how others view it, but never once have I thought about changing my mind and going back to chemo. I am proud of my choice. I have never been more sure of any decision ever in my life.

As far as me being viewed as "crazy", that's okay with me. All through history there have been people who have been called crazy by others who didn't understand them or their actions that in the end they were right. Where would we be if Noah didn't build his ark because everyone thought he was nuts? Being called crazy didn't stop Christopher Columbus from sailing his ship, turns out the world is round after all.  So I'm okay with being thought of as crazy, not that I am comparing myself to either of these people but you get my point. This will end one of two ways; my greatest failure or my greatest accomplishment. Time will tell.

Anyone who has had c***** knows that as soon as you tell people of your diagnosis there are so many offers from people who have gone through the process willing to share their story, offer advice, and support you in every way possible. I experienced this just after I was diagnosed.

After I decided to quit chemotherapy I didn't really have another club of supporters cheering me on. Having c***** is lonely, having c***** and treating it holistically is even lonelier. There is really no way to describe it unless you've been there. So for those of you that have sent me messages, sharing your stories with me, THANK YOU. I sincerely appreciate you reaching out to me. It's a little less lonely because of you.

Many have asked if I have had another sonogram. The answer is no. I started back to work a few weeks ago. Last week was the first week back with students. Now that I'm back into the swing of things I plan on scheduling it sometime soon.

There is another group of people that I would like to say thank you to, that is everyone who donated towards my costs. With a herd of children, when money is always tight, trying to fund a holistic approach to healing seemed like an impossible feat. I jumped in head first not knowing if it would be possible to even buy the supplements needed. The money donated, small and large, from individuals and fund raisers, was greatly appreciated. Thank you for being a blessing in my life.

Lastly, thank you for all your prayers. In my last post I asked that everyone pray for my hormones to be stabilized. Tonight I am thanking God for answering those prayers. I am feeling better, my face is starting to clear up, and the other symptoms have gone away. Amen for small miracles.