A few years ago Bob and I were going through some issues as
all marriages do. Committed to keeping our family intact we both were agreeable
to going to counseling. It was not only helpful for us as a couple but I
learned so much about myself that I previously hadn’t realized.
One of the things I learned was that I can very easily,
without any hesitation, identify emotions that are negative such as anger,
hurt, disappointment, resentment, bitterness, annoyed and depressed, but I
struggled a lot with trying to put words to more positive emotions like joy,
contentment, happiness and all those other mushy feelings.
The other huge epiphany I had was how difficult it is for me
to ask for things I want or need. Being
straightforward is a definite challenge for me.
I know this may come as a surprise to many who know me because I am very
opinionated and have no trouble debating topics and spouting off what I believe
but that’s probably another issue I need to work out. The reason I think it’s
so hard for me to ask for things is because I hate hearing the word “NO”.
Hearing the word “no” feels like rejection to me. I hate feeling rejected. I find it easier to hint around and be
completely indirect. Unfortunately this behavior is rarely productive and leads
to disappointment and frustration which eventually builds and builds and boils
over into anger.
Stay with me, this is going somewhere….
So this morning I woke up knowing I had this doctor’s
appointment... with a medical doctor. The first medical doctor I would be
seeing since quitting chemo back in March. Now he already knows I quit chemo
from way back when I had to take Bob to the doctor for his back. But I still didn’t know what his reaction
would be at today’s appointment.
So I was getting ready, nervous as all could be, butterflies
fluttering and totally terrified because I had no idea what to expect. And oh
yes, I was going to have to go in there and ask this doctor for something, a
prescription for an ultrasound. And there was a very good possibility that he
might say “NO”...ugh.
I’m okay the whole drive there which was probably 40 minutes
because of morning rush hour traffic. I listened to music which is very
relaxing to me and also works as a good distraction.
As soon as I pulled into my parking spot it hit me. It was
time to pull on my big girl pants. I needed to walk in there, be confident and
just ask him for what I needed.
Repeating over and over again in my head, the Lord perfects
that which concerns me, the Lord perfects that which concerns me, I walked in with my pants pulled high and my head up.
After nervously waiting in the exam room for what seemed
like forever but in reality was probably only 10 minutes the doctor entered and
the first thing out of his mouth as he shakes my hand, “what can I do for you
today?”. There it was, my opportunity to tell him what I needed. And that’s
what I did. I was direct and to the point. I said “well, I was hoping you would
agree to write me a prescription for an ultrasound to help me monitor my
progress.” HA HA I did it!!! It felt so good, too. I might be onto something.
We talked for a good while. I filled him in on all that I
had been doing. I explained thermography to him. He even admitted to learning some things from
me.
Not only was he agreeable to the prescription but he said
that if there was anything else at all he could help me with or do for me to
let him know. He printed out copies of the reports that the doctors from C*****
Treatment Centers of America had sent to him from my time in Chicago. He said that
after he gets the report from my ultrasound he would be happy to get a copy to me for my records.
If I had made a list
of what I wanted from the appointment I definitely would say that I got all
that I wanted and more. It was a good day. I'm feeling well, happy. :)
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