When you’re sitting at the table of life and death is sitting in the chair across from you staring you in the face, I think it’s impossible for it not to seriously impact your life. When I heard that doctor tell me I had c***** back in February, it began a process in me that I have no real way of describing to anyone that has never had a similar experience.
These last 8 months have changed me. This c***** has changed me. It’s changed the way I think. It’s changed the way I feel. It’s changed the way I see the world. It's changed the way I see people. It’s changed the way I love. It’s changed how greatly I appreciate the people in my life. It’s made me realize that every day is a gift.
From the time I got the diagnosis I had decisions to make. I had choices, not just the medical ones. I could allow this to ruin my life, ruin my family, ruin me or I could choose to overcome. I choose happiness over bitterness. I choose contentment over regret. I choose joy over contempt. Everyday.
I have never done the “why me?” I could see what an easy trap that could be to fall into and I imagine how hard it would be to climb back out. I choose not to even go there.
I don’t blame God. I don’t believe he gave me this. I do believe He allows us to go through trials to shape us and mold us into who He intended us to be, to draw us closer, to build our faith in Him. He takes these trials and uses them for our good.
I don’t pretend to know His entire plan for my life. What I do know is that His hand has been on me through this. I know for certain that He has spoken to me and guided my decisions. I will continue to seek Him and draw my strength from Him as I have from the beginning of this journey. I don’t believe I have gotten to this point just to fail.
So I pray. I pray for wisdom. I pray for guidance. I pray that I would do His will in this situation. I’m on my knees. Praying.
And if you’d ask me if this c***** has been a blessing or a curse, I choose to make it a blessing. Everyday.
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