Crunch Time

Okay. So here it is. I have the written report from my last breast ultrasound. And, well, as I said before, it isn't pretty.

The report states:

The known carcinoma in the right breast at 11 o'clock measures 1.6 (ouch! It previously was measuring .89 cm in mid-June) The  previously described .9 cm hypoechoic nodule in the right breast at 1 o'clock is stable. (This nodule was first detected in February but the doctors felt it was nothing to worry about. By stable they just mean it hasn't grown) There are two new hypoechoic .5 cm nodules in the right breast at 2 o'clock and 10 o'clock. There is a .8 cm vascular mass in the left breast at 3 o'clock and a .4 cm hypoechoic nodule in the left breast at 2 o'clock. No axillary lymphadenopathy (disease of the lymph nodes) is identified. (This is the only good news in the whole report. This is very significant because this means that it hasn't spread outside the breast to the lymph nodes)

Recommendation: Ultrasound guided breast core biopsy of the .8 cm mass in left breast and fine needle aspiration biopsy of the .5 cm nodule in the right breast.

So to summarize what the results say, basically I went from two known masses, one being c*****ous and one not, to 6 masses in total, 4 new ones ranging in size from .4 cm to .8 cm. Of course without the biopsy it is unknown whether these masses are c*****ous or not.

My thoughts on the results.

On the day of the ultrasound, I spoke with the radiologist who reads the images and writes the reports and makes recommendations based on what she sees. Immediately, I had issues with what she was telling me. She said that the last place I went, which was Three River Thermography in the North Hills, didn't take images of the left breast at all. WRONG!! I know that is completely wrong as does everyone who has been following this blog for awhile. I know they took images of the left breast because I had the written report and  I shared the findings of that report in a post.

The second thing she said which makes me question her accuracy is that the last ultrasound didn't show the c*****ous lump at all. She repeatedly told me that the written report from the last ultrasound was only about the mass in the 1 o'clock position (the non-c*****ous lump) and not the mass in the 11 o'clock position (the c*****ous lump) WRONG AGAIN!! I know that's wrong. When I had the ultrasound done in June I specifically told the tech where the c*****ous mass was. We talked about it extensively. She was very thorough. And again, I read the report. That's not what it said.

I did question  this doctor about what she was saying but without the written report in my hands to show her I didn't have much of an argument. So let that be a lesson to me to always bring all my past test results.

I don't know if I believe that all the new masses are c*****ous or not. I know that 80% of all biopsies end up being nothing. So perhaps they're nothing, perhaps they're something. I don't know. I do know that what I have been doing isn't working and I don't need to have a biopsy to tell me that.

 I sat quietly while listening to the doctor tell me her recommendations. If nothing else, through this I have learned not to make any decisions right away. So when she asked me if I wanted to schedule the biopsies I told her I would need to think about it. I have since then respectfully declined.

Many of you may disagree with my decision and not understand why I am choosing not to have them done. Let me try to explain my thought process. What's the point? What purpose would the test serve?  I know what I have been doing isn't working. Maybe it's just me, but I don't see a good reason to have two more biopsies and two more titanium markers put into my body to tell me something I already know- I HAVE C*****!! To me, her recommendations to have two biopsies done was the equivalent of going to a restaurant and having the server try to sell me dessert. It was more about the business of making money and didn't serve any real purpose.


How do I feel about the results?

I was visibly upset the day of the ultrasound, though I didn't cry. Who wouldn't be, right? But admittedly, I wasn't expecting good results. I was fully prepared to hear that the mass had grown, just not as much as it did. After all, I could now feel it again when I wasn't able to before.

Now, I'm glad. I'm glad I got the results that I did because it was the kick in the gut that I needed. It gave me the motivation to give this all that I have.

Why wasn't it working?

Clearly, when I started on this path I had success. The mass was shrinking. So what happened?

I'll tell you what happened. I got comfortable. I looked at the plate of shredded cheese and thought to myself  one little pinch won't kill me. Soon that became one little pinch every time I fixed a plate for one of the kids. Then just as we all think that the calories from the kids plates don't count (or is that just me?) I started taking a bite here, a bite there. Nothing ever of any significance, but it all adds up. Then I realized that the salsa I was eating had sugar listed as an ingredient. Those are the two big no-no's right there- sugar and animal protein. Then even though I was on a vegan diet, except for those bites here and there, I wasn't eating nearly enough vegetables.

You may remember that I had been on supplements, but stopped taking them months ago due to lack of money. They are super expensive, costing us $800 monthly. At first there was money from fundraising that helped cover the costs but when that ran out I decided I would try another  less expensive regimen. In my defense, I've never cured c***** before. This is all trial and error. Basically, I have become my own guinea pig.

What is my plan now?

The plan is do what works. I had success before, so I need to go back to what I was doing. I'm juicing- greens, beets, carrots, apple- two 16 oz glasses a day, drinking my 32 oz of carrot juice a day, vitamin drinks, dark green leafy salads, various vegetable soups, and I'm back on my supplements - 80 a day, inferred light, fresh air, and rebounding.

I have given myself six weeks. If at the end of six weeks I haven't had significant progress, then I don't know what because I'm not even allowing myself to think of failing as an option. Failing isn't an option.

At the end of the day I want to be able to kiss those little faces goodnight and know that I did everything possible. Week one was flawless.

I've often said that I'm not a procrastinator, I just work better under pressure. Well, it's definitely crunch time. It's time to do this!!