Now that my hair is growing back I frequently get asked the question "so, you're all done with treatments now?" by people who see me but may not know or follow my story. There's always a hesitation on my part before answering. During those few seconds before I answer I'm contemplating whether to answer honestly or just say "yep, all done" and leave it at that.
Each time I've chosen to tell the truth by simply saying "after much prayer I've decided to quit conventional treatment and have chosen to heal myself holistically". Most times this results in a look of complete shock, as you can imagine, followed by awkward silence, unless of course I'm accompanied by someone who knows my story. In that case, it always seems that whoever I am with feels the need to defend my decision.
Why not just say I'm done and leave it at that? It would be easier. I wouldn't be subjecting myself to silent stares or quiet criticism.
In my mind I feel as though that would somehow mean I am ashamed or embarrassed of my choice which couldn't be further from the truth. From the time I said I was done with chemo I haven't, even for one second, thought I had made the wrong decision. I sometimes think it sounds completely crazy, which I'm sure is how others view it, but never once have I thought about changing my mind and going back to chemo. I am proud of my choice. I have never been more sure of any decision ever in my life.
As far as me being viewed as "crazy", that's okay with me. All through history there have been people who have been called crazy by others who didn't understand them or their actions that in the end they were right. Where would we be if Noah didn't build his ark because everyone thought he was nuts? Being called crazy didn't stop Christopher Columbus from sailing his ship, turns out the world is round after all. So I'm okay with being thought of as crazy, not that I am comparing myself to either of these people but you get my point. This will end one of two ways; my greatest failure or my greatest accomplishment. Time will tell.
Anyone who has had c***** knows that as soon as you tell people of your diagnosis there are so many offers from people who have gone through the process willing to share their story, offer advice, and support you in every way possible. I experienced this just after I was diagnosed.
After I decided to quit chemotherapy I didn't really have another club of supporters cheering me on. Having c***** is lonely, having c***** and treating it holistically is even lonelier. There is really no way to describe it unless you've been there. So for those of you that have sent me messages, sharing your stories with me, THANK YOU. I sincerely appreciate you reaching out to me. It's a little less lonely because of you.
Many have asked if I have had another sonogram. The answer is no. I started back to work a few weeks ago. Last week was the first week back with students. Now that I'm back into the swing of things I plan on scheduling it sometime soon.
There is another group of people that I would like to say thank you to, that is everyone who donated towards my costs. With a herd of children, when money is always tight, trying to fund a holistic approach to healing seemed like an impossible feat. I jumped in head first not knowing if it would be possible to even buy the supplements needed. The money donated, small and large, from individuals and fund raisers, was greatly appreciated. Thank you for being a blessing in my life.
Lastly, thank you for all your prayers. In my last post I asked that everyone pray for my hormones to be stabilized. Tonight I am thanking God for answering those prayers. I am feeling better, my face is starting to clear up, and the other symptoms have gone away. Amen for small miracles.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Sunday, August 4, 2013
I Wonder....
I posted a story on my Facebook page that I really feel is worth posting again here for everyone else who hasn't read it yet.
I am completely amazed by this story. This woman, Ann, cured her c***** by only changing one thing. The only thing she did was drink carrot juice. She didn't take any supplements. She didn't change her eating habits. Just drank carrot juice. I'm blown away by this story!!! Check it out for yourself.
http://www.chrisbeatcancer.com/ann-cameron-cured-her-cancer-with-carrot-juice/
This story made me think of scurvy. I'm sure most of you have heard of scurvy. Early symptoms are malaise and lethargy. After 1–3 months, patients develop shortness of breath and bone pain. Other symptoms include skin changes with roughness, easy bruising, gum disease, loosening of teeth, poor wound healing, and emotional changes. In the late stages, jaundice, generalized edema, neuropathy, fever, convulsions, and eventual death are frequently seen.
The cure for scurvy was first published in 1617 in The Surgeon’s Mate by English military surgeon John Woodall. It was completely ignored by the medical community. (hmm, where have we seen that before?)
Fortunately James Lind persevered and about 50 years later citrus fruit was finally accepted and used for the prevention and treatment of scurvy on sailing vessels. So, in summary:
The cure for scurvy was ignored for almost 200 years!! 200!!!
All that needless suffering when all they had to do to cure it was eat some fruit. Unbelievable.
Wonder if c***** is like scurvy. Wonder if all you have to do to cure it is to find what it is that your body is missing, craving. Wonder if by giving your body what it needs you reverse the c*****. Wonder if this is like the period of time that they denied fruit could cure scurvy. Wonder if in 200 years they, the medical establishment, will finally be willing to admit that the true cause of c***** is an overload of toxins and a weakened immune system. Wonder if they know it now but won't say anything because there is no money to be made by curing people of c***** from fruits and vegetables.
When I went to the first doctor after being diagnosed he told me that 90%-95% of c***** was just bad luck. BAD LUCK!! Does he really believe that? Because I don't. That doesn't sound very scientific to me. And if c***** is due to bad luck then I guess the luck of the people in this country is getting worse.
Have you checked out the latest statistics? They vary but I have seen as many as 1 in 3 will develop c***** in his/her lifetime. Look to your left, look to your right. That's it right there. One of the three of you will get it.
We live in a toxic world. We eat it, drink it, breathe it, rub it all over our bodies in an attempt to make us look pretty, smell better, not smell, look tan...etc. It's everywhere. When you add that to the lack of nutrients in our pseudo food it's no wonder there's a c***** epidemic. But try getting the medical establishment to admit to that.
Show me the medical doctor who asks how my diet is, because that's never discussed. All they ever want to do is treat symptoms, not the cause of the problems. And of course I realize I am generalizing. I'm sure there are rare exceptions.
The other 5-10% of c*****, according to that doctor, is caused by genetics. I fall into that 5-10% because I do have the BRAC1 gene. That may make me more susceptible than most of the population but it doesn't have to determine my fate. I do that by eating better, drinking clean water, and avoiding those things which are known to cause c*****. And my chances of getting it a second time are now no greater than yours.
I am completely amazed by this story. This woman, Ann, cured her c***** by only changing one thing. The only thing she did was drink carrot juice. She didn't take any supplements. She didn't change her eating habits. Just drank carrot juice. I'm blown away by this story!!! Check it out for yourself.
http://www.chrisbeatcancer.com/ann-cameron-cured-her-cancer-with-carrot-juice/
This story made me think of scurvy. I'm sure most of you have heard of scurvy. Early symptoms are malaise and lethargy. After 1–3 months, patients develop shortness of breath and bone pain. Other symptoms include skin changes with roughness, easy bruising, gum disease, loosening of teeth, poor wound healing, and emotional changes. In the late stages, jaundice, generalized edema, neuropathy, fever, convulsions, and eventual death are frequently seen.
The cure for scurvy was first published in 1617 in The Surgeon’s Mate by English military surgeon John Woodall. It was completely ignored by the medical community. (hmm, where have we seen that before?)
In 1753 (136 years later!!) naval surgeon James Lind published his discovery in
A Treatise of The Scurvy, which was also ignored. The medical establishment insisted that the testimonials of eating citrus fruit to reverse scurvy were merely “anecdotal” and not based on “scientific evidence”. (Imagine that!!)
A Treatise of The Scurvy, which was also ignored. The medical establishment insisted that the testimonials of eating citrus fruit to reverse scurvy were merely “anecdotal” and not based on “scientific evidence”. (Imagine that!!)
Fortunately James Lind persevered and about 50 years later citrus fruit was finally accepted and used for the prevention and treatment of scurvy on sailing vessels. So, in summary:
The cure for scurvy was ignored for almost 200 years!! 200!!!
All that needless suffering when all they had to do to cure it was eat some fruit. Unbelievable.
Wonder if c***** is like scurvy. Wonder if all you have to do to cure it is to find what it is that your body is missing, craving. Wonder if by giving your body what it needs you reverse the c*****. Wonder if this is like the period of time that they denied fruit could cure scurvy. Wonder if in 200 years they, the medical establishment, will finally be willing to admit that the true cause of c***** is an overload of toxins and a weakened immune system. Wonder if they know it now but won't say anything because there is no money to be made by curing people of c***** from fruits and vegetables.
When I went to the first doctor after being diagnosed he told me that 90%-95% of c***** was just bad luck. BAD LUCK!! Does he really believe that? Because I don't. That doesn't sound very scientific to me. And if c***** is due to bad luck then I guess the luck of the people in this country is getting worse.
Have you checked out the latest statistics? They vary but I have seen as many as 1 in 3 will develop c***** in his/her lifetime. Look to your left, look to your right. That's it right there. One of the three of you will get it.
We live in a toxic world. We eat it, drink it, breathe it, rub it all over our bodies in an attempt to make us look pretty, smell better, not smell, look tan...etc. It's everywhere. When you add that to the lack of nutrients in our pseudo food it's no wonder there's a c***** epidemic. But try getting the medical establishment to admit to that.
Show me the medical doctor who asks how my diet is, because that's never discussed. All they ever want to do is treat symptoms, not the cause of the problems. And of course I realize I am generalizing. I'm sure there are rare exceptions.
The other 5-10% of c*****, according to that doctor, is caused by genetics. I fall into that 5-10% because I do have the BRAC1 gene. That may make me more susceptible than most of the population but it doesn't have to determine my fate. I do that by eating better, drinking clean water, and avoiding those things which are known to cause c*****. And my chances of getting it a second time are now no greater than yours.
B17: More than Just an Aircraft
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor nor do I pretend to be one. This is not a medical site and nothing in this post should be taken as medical advice.
Also, I apologize for the ADD format of this post. I thought about trying to fix it, but well, I honestly just didn't feel like it. I'm tired and I'd rather just get the update done even if it is kind of scatter brained.
So here it is.
So what's changed? I'll tell you.
We all know of the apricot. We also all know that inside of an apricot is a pit. But who knew there was something inside the pit? I certainly didn't until all this started. If you crack open the pit of an apricot there is a kernel inside. It actually looks a lot like an almond, though it doesn't taste like one. This kernel is said to have anti-c*****ous properties and something called B17. I've watched a couple of documentaries about it, in addition to reading a lot about it. I'm not going to get into specifics but if you want to watch or read about it you can try googling B17, amygdalin, or laetrile.
Apricot kernels aren't the only seeds to contain "B17". It's said to be in other fruit seeds as well but in lower concentrations. So my new rule is eat the fruit, eat the seeds. I must say, apple seeds are not as hard as I thought they would be.
Taking these kernels was something I had been wanting to try for awhile, but I was on so many supplements I was afraid to add anything else for fear of an interaction with something I was already doing. That's all I need to do is die of some strange interaction between treatments.
Let's back up a few weeks. I was getting an upset stomach from one of the supplements I was on. By upset, I mean vomiting. I don't know exactly which one was causing it since I was taking so many. I did have it narrowed down to three. It was at that point I stopped taking everything. I thought maybe I should just give my stomach a rest. That's when I decided to take these apricot kernels instead.
I started with taking one an hour. After a few days I worked my way up to 24 a day. The plan is to add back in some of the supplements, not all, one at a time to make sure there isn't any reaction and if there is I'll know what caused it. As of right now the only other thing I am taking is vitamin C. I'm also drinking Essiac tea twice a day.
So far, so good. I've been doing this for about two weeks and I haven't noticed any adverse side effects.
The lump is status quo as far as I can tell. It's almost time to have it checked again. And since he already knows I quit chemo, I am considering asking my primary care physician for a script to get an ultrasound rather than going where I had gone before. If I can get a script from the doctor my insurance with cover it. Why spend $160 if you don't have to. I think he'll work with me, although there is always the possibility that he won't. My thought is it won't hurt to ask.
Bob left this morning to take the kids camping. They were meeting up with some friends of ours. Under normal circumstances I would have gone. Not because I love to camp, but because I enjoy the family time. My kind of camping would be in a hotel with a pool, not in a tent in some mud (or rocks, as it happened the one year). I did however turn down the invitation to go this time. Thinking about the food situation for me while camping just made it all seem not worth it. Besides, when is the last time I had a weekend all by myself? NEVER!!
I've enjoyed the time I've had to myself. I got to take a nice, long, hot bath (with no one knocking on the door), I went shopping for new clothes since none of mine fit (I'm in a size 6 pants now. Woo-hoo!!) I made myself a gluten free pizza (no cheese of course) and I started watching a movie.(Then I stopped the movie to write this.)
It's also my last weekend of my summer break. It's back to work for me on Wednesday. I complain about having to go back so much earlier than my kids but really it helps to have all the start dates staggered. It eases me back into the crazy, hectic schedule that follows; work for me, school for the kids, soccer x3.
For months I had been having bone pain in my right forearm as a result of the shots of Neulasta I had for the low blood count that was caused by the chemo. Yep, imagine that, side effects of the drug to treat the side effects...ugh! Bone pain is listed as the "less serious" side effects. You should read the more serious side effects list. Anyway, I was lying in bed last night when I realized that the pain was finally gone. God is good, restoring my body little by little.
Someone had mentioned to me once that by reading this they knew how to pray for me. So if you're a praying person please pray for my hormones to normalize. It's very evident to me that this wasn't an issue before the chemo and is more than likely a result of it. I'm sure my family would love to have a more even tempered, less agitated mommy. And Mommy would really like breasts that aren't sore 90% of the time. (I know, TMI...sorry)
So I think that's it. I'm good, getting better and healthier and hopefully shrinking tumors along the way.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Orangutans are Cute....Right?
Over the past few days I have gotten several texts and messages asking how I am doing and realized it's been awhile since I last posted.
After writing the last update I was lying in bed thinking about everything and it hit me. I became overwhelmed and started sobbing. Sobbing. I have definitely shed more than a few tears during this journey but this time was different. These tears were ones of complete joy and amazement. I had never sobbed tears of joy before, ever.
I've read many stories of people who have walked this path before me, but when I actually sit and think about me being one of those people, it still seems so unreal to me. There's still a small part of me that thinks the other part of me is crazy.
" I did what? Quit chemo to cure c***** with food!!"
Yeah, that seems totally crazy to me, and I believe in what I'm doing. I can only imagine how that must have sounded to everyone else when I told them.
I've been very fortunate that even if people thought I was completely off my rocker, no one, well, almost no one, made me feel that way. I'm sure people were thinking it, saying it to each other, but not to me. And for that I am very grateful. When I am c*****-free you all can share with me how crazy you thought I was. (Not yet!!)
As I've mentioned in a previous post I switched out the headcoverings for ball cap style hats weeks ago. The only time I was rocking a turban was to church, but at this point I'm not wearing one there either. The last time I put one on was more than 2 weeks ago and I hated how it made me feel. I felt like a c***** victim and I refuse to where them anymore. Although, my hair still isn't to the point where I feel comfortable not wearing something.
My hair is definitely taking its sweet time growing back. It's been months since chemo. I had the first treatment in the beginning of March and the second (and last) treatment at the end of March. But still, I have little hair.
I have a sufficient amount of hair the two inches above my ears and around the back of my head, which is why I can get away with ball caps. But the top, the top of my head has some issues. It's about 1/2 inch long and sticks straight up. I look like a baby orangutan, no offense to baby orangutans. And it's still so thin you can see my scalp. I was trimming it to allow the new hair to catch up, but at this point I am just going to let it grow. And hopefully it will grow through this ridiculous awkward stage.
Last week I ran into an acquaintance from one of the kid's baseball teams from the past. I hadn't seen this parent in a couple of years. After the usual how've-you-been- greetings, she said very excitedly let me see your hair. Apparently she hadn't heard. After I gave her the short version of my story she told me that she just thought I had gotten a short haircut.
AWESOME!! I loved that she didn't know. I loved that she just thought I had gotten all my hair cut off.
The truth is, I don't often even think about the c*****. The things that I do have just become part of my day, routine. I'm just living life. (Not a very exciting life, but still...)
The longer this goes on the less scary it is. All the symptoms I experienced last month that I found so terrifying, I had again this month and it wasn't any big deal because I had already been there. It was the not knowing if what I was doing was going to work that was so worrying. Now that I know that this is working, I can relax and just do what I need to do.
I was cleaning my living room about a week or so ago and I had a realization. Finally, after months of feeling drained and tiring very easily, I felt good. I felt normal. Something that I thought I would never feel again. As much as I dislike cleaning, I am so grateful to be able to without being exhausted afterwards.
I even mowed the grass the other day. I had forgotten how much I enjoy mowing the grass. No, seriously, I do. The lawnmower drowns out all the noise of the world (especially kids) and gives you time to think without any distractions. Plus it's great exercise. And it stays nicer longer than anything you do inside the house when the kids go around messing up everything you just cleaned.
I have days that are more frustrating than others. Some days I just want a giant burger with lots of cheese and bacon, days that I miss having my long hair, days that I wish I could just leave the house and not have to worry about packing a cooler with carrot juice. I have those days, but they're few and passing. Overall, I'm good.
After writing the last update I was lying in bed thinking about everything and it hit me. I became overwhelmed and started sobbing. Sobbing. I have definitely shed more than a few tears during this journey but this time was different. These tears were ones of complete joy and amazement. I had never sobbed tears of joy before, ever.
I've read many stories of people who have walked this path before me, but when I actually sit and think about me being one of those people, it still seems so unreal to me. There's still a small part of me that thinks the other part of me is crazy.
" I did what? Quit chemo to cure c***** with food!!"
Yeah, that seems totally crazy to me, and I believe in what I'm doing. I can only imagine how that must have sounded to everyone else when I told them.
I've been very fortunate that even if people thought I was completely off my rocker, no one, well, almost no one, made me feel that way. I'm sure people were thinking it, saying it to each other, but not to me. And for that I am very grateful. When I am c*****-free you all can share with me how crazy you thought I was. (Not yet!!)
As I've mentioned in a previous post I switched out the headcoverings for ball cap style hats weeks ago. The only time I was rocking a turban was to church, but at this point I'm not wearing one there either. The last time I put one on was more than 2 weeks ago and I hated how it made me feel. I felt like a c***** victim and I refuse to where them anymore. Although, my hair still isn't to the point where I feel comfortable not wearing something.
My hair is definitely taking its sweet time growing back. It's been months since chemo. I had the first treatment in the beginning of March and the second (and last) treatment at the end of March. But still, I have little hair.
I have a sufficient amount of hair the two inches above my ears and around the back of my head, which is why I can get away with ball caps. But the top, the top of my head has some issues. It's about 1/2 inch long and sticks straight up. I look like a baby orangutan, no offense to baby orangutans. And it's still so thin you can see my scalp. I was trimming it to allow the new hair to catch up, but at this point I am just going to let it grow. And hopefully it will grow through this ridiculous awkward stage.
Last week I ran into an acquaintance from one of the kid's baseball teams from the past. I hadn't seen this parent in a couple of years. After the usual how've-you-been- greetings, she said very excitedly let me see your hair. Apparently she hadn't heard. After I gave her the short version of my story she told me that she just thought I had gotten a short haircut.
AWESOME!! I loved that she didn't know. I loved that she just thought I had gotten all my hair cut off.
The truth is, I don't often even think about the c*****. The things that I do have just become part of my day, routine. I'm just living life. (Not a very exciting life, but still...)
The longer this goes on the less scary it is. All the symptoms I experienced last month that I found so terrifying, I had again this month and it wasn't any big deal because I had already been there. It was the not knowing if what I was doing was going to work that was so worrying. Now that I know that this is working, I can relax and just do what I need to do.
I was cleaning my living room about a week or so ago and I had a realization. Finally, after months of feeling drained and tiring very easily, I felt good. I felt normal. Something that I thought I would never feel again. As much as I dislike cleaning, I am so grateful to be able to without being exhausted afterwards.
I even mowed the grass the other day. I had forgotten how much I enjoy mowing the grass. No, seriously, I do. The lawnmower drowns out all the noise of the world (especially kids) and gives you time to think without any distractions. Plus it's great exercise. And it stays nicer longer than anything you do inside the house when the kids go around messing up everything you just cleaned.
I have days that are more frustrating than others. Some days I just want a giant burger with lots of cheese and bacon, days that I miss having my long hair, days that I wish I could just leave the house and not have to worry about packing a cooler with carrot juice. I have those days, but they're few and passing. Overall, I'm good.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Ultrasound results
If you haven't liked "My Six Letter Swear Word" facebook page I would encourage you to. I occasionally post mini-updates if I don't have the time to update my blog. I also find it easier to share photos, articles, and links to documentaries on facebook.
Okay, now on with the expanded version of the results from my ultrasound.
Bob has back issues, has for years, and was in a lot of pain. You know it's bad when he says he needs to go to the doctor. So yesterday started with a trip to our primary care physician, the same doctor who I saw after finding my lump. He could barely walk let alone drive, so I had to take him.
It's a fairly small practice of family practitioners. If you're not familiar with what a family practitioner is, they provide continuing and comprehensive health care for the individual and family across all ages. I've been with them through four pregnancies, 13+ years. As you can imagine, having five children, over the years I've spent a lot of time there and am very well known by the nurses and other staff members.
This was going to be the first time I had been there since quitting conventional treatment. I was nervous about what kind of questioning I might encounter. Anyone who doesn't follow the normal protocols of the medical establishment, such as myself, is often scrutinized by medical doctors.
We made it all the way through Bob's appointment and just when I thought I was in the clear the doctor popped his head back in the door and said, "oh, and I meant to ask you, how are your treatments going?"
Darn it! It was the moment of truth.
I said, "well, you're a medical doctor, so you probably aren't going to agree with what I'm doing, but I quit chemo after two rounds and I'm treating it holistically."
Eek! I did it.
The first time I had to do it. I never told any of the other c***** doctors what my plan was. Once I decided I was done with chemo I had Bob tell them I wasn't coming back. After that I avoided all their phone calls. At the time, I was really too fragile to hear anyone criticize me, call me crazy or question my decisions.
As it turned out, he didn't do any of those things.
We had a short conversation about the types of things I was doing. He admitted that doctors don't know everything and sometimes aren't sure how to treat certain conditions, that as a doctor it should be about finding what the patient is comfortable with and finding a way to work together. In the end, he wished me well and told me to keep him updated.
Phew!!
I must say, I'm in a much better place mentally now than I was a couple of months ago. I could have withstood the scrutiny, but I am very thankful that I didn't have to.
All this and I still haven't shared my good news.
On the way home I needed to make a stop for candy for Aiden's very, very late birthday party which is tomorrow. His birthday was in January but because of the circumstances he never had a party, which I had promised him. While I was in the store Bob took it upon himself to call the thermography/sonogram office. So when I got back out to the truck he informed me that they mailed the results. Mailed them, really?
I know they told me they would email them to me. I remember thinking that was strange because they had mailed me the results of the thermogram. I have no idea how long the results were sitting right there in my mailbox. If I was a normal person and checked my mail everyday I would have had them earlier. But there they were, waiting for me when I got home.
The report is as follows:
Lt. breast- one cyst found in the 3 o'clock position (who knew they used a clock to describe locations in the breast? I didn't until all this started), no solid masses seen, enlarged lymph nodes (normal for the situation) and the rest of the tissue has a fibrocystic appearance ( which I already suspected)
Rt. breast- .89 cm mass in the 11 o'clock position (location of the original tumor), solid mass with smooth borders, wider than it is tall, enlarged lymph nodes (again normal for the circumstances) rest of the tissue has a fibrocystic appearance
So there it is. The tumor is less than 1 cm wide and less than that tall. From the images they took, which I have a copy of, it appears to be nearly flat.
What I would love to do is take the measurements from the three exams I've had and make clay models of the tumor. I know that sounds strange but I think it would help me visualize how much it has shrunk since first finding it. It is a three dimensional shape and sometimes I forget that and think of it two dimensionally. Just a thought.
Anyway...
In February, at the time of my diagnosis, it was measured at 2.5 cm. It did shrink after the first round of chemo.
It was measured again at the end of March, at the time of the second round of chemo,1.5 cm wide by 1 cm tall. It was still palpable. After the second round of chemo there seemed to be no change and was still palpable.
It remained that way up until I started having swelling and pain in my breasts a few weeks ago. After the enlarged breast tissue went down the lump felt very tiny.
Now, it's measuring .89 cm. wide. It is no longer palpable.
I'm actually glad it isn't gone. Why? Because I don't want there to be any doubts in anyone's mind what cured this c*****. I don't want anyone to be able to say it was the chemo. At this point, approximately 11 weeks post chemo, I think it is safe to assume the chemo is out of my system.
There are, I'm sure, many people who doubt what I am doing will work. Heck, even I had my doubts. I had moments of "oh my gosh, what were you thinking?"
I don't anymore. I'm confident that this is working.
Even if others doubt that what I am doing had anything to do with the shrinkage of the tumor, there is one undeniable fact; it's not growing. I have completely stopped it from growing and spreading.
It's recommended I follow up with another ultrasound in 3 months. I'm leery of waiting that long. I will probably repeat in 6 weeks. At that point, it will be evident of what is curing this c*****. I'll be able to compare the measurements from this ultrasound with the ones from the next.
There's one thing I wanted to clear up.
I originally had said that I was diagnosed as stage 1. That's incorrect. I was actually stage 2. I know it must seem strange to not know something that important.
Here's what happened.
When I met with the surgeon in Pittsburgh, the first c***** doctor I saw, I asked him, "so, I'm stage 1, right?" nodding my head yes.
It wasn't until much later, in fact, after I was looking at the paper that read "unfavorable", that I had memories of that visit. I remember so clearly the look on his face and the gesture he made with his hands, the shrugging of his shoulders, while he said "sure" as the answer to my question.
When I went to Chicago to continue treatment, they said I was stage 2. I thought it was odd but I didn't really question it. Why? Probably because I was still overwhelmed, still trying to process everything that was happening. Maybe it just seemed not as bad that way. I really don't know.
There are two things that would qualify breast c***** as stage two:
1. if it has spread to the lymph nodes, no matter the size
or
2. if it is bigger than 2cm, even if there is no lymph node involvement
I never had lymph node involvement, but my tumor was larger than 2 cm. (2.5 cm)
So technically, I was stage 2 not stage 1. Not that it matters to me now. The regimen is the same whether I'm stage 1 or stage 4. It works all the same. Just wanted to clear that up.
As the results have time to sink in, I'm in such amazement. It really seems so surreal to me. I'm not sure I have the words to describe how I feel exactly just yet. I know I'm feeling thankful and blessed, but even those two words don't quite encompass it all.
Knowing that it's working just gives me the motivation to keep going strong and pushing through till the end.
And that championship baseball game, Aiden's team won, 7-4
Okay, now on with the expanded version of the results from my ultrasound.
Bob has back issues, has for years, and was in a lot of pain. You know it's bad when he says he needs to go to the doctor. So yesterday started with a trip to our primary care physician, the same doctor who I saw after finding my lump. He could barely walk let alone drive, so I had to take him.
It's a fairly small practice of family practitioners. If you're not familiar with what a family practitioner is, they provide continuing and comprehensive health care for the individual and family across all ages. I've been with them through four pregnancies, 13+ years. As you can imagine, having five children, over the years I've spent a lot of time there and am very well known by the nurses and other staff members.
This was going to be the first time I had been there since quitting conventional treatment. I was nervous about what kind of questioning I might encounter. Anyone who doesn't follow the normal protocols of the medical establishment, such as myself, is often scrutinized by medical doctors.
We made it all the way through Bob's appointment and just when I thought I was in the clear the doctor popped his head back in the door and said, "oh, and I meant to ask you, how are your treatments going?"
Darn it! It was the moment of truth.
I said, "well, you're a medical doctor, so you probably aren't going to agree with what I'm doing, but I quit chemo after two rounds and I'm treating it holistically."
Eek! I did it.
The first time I had to do it. I never told any of the other c***** doctors what my plan was. Once I decided I was done with chemo I had Bob tell them I wasn't coming back. After that I avoided all their phone calls. At the time, I was really too fragile to hear anyone criticize me, call me crazy or question my decisions.
As it turned out, he didn't do any of those things.
We had a short conversation about the types of things I was doing. He admitted that doctors don't know everything and sometimes aren't sure how to treat certain conditions, that as a doctor it should be about finding what the patient is comfortable with and finding a way to work together. In the end, he wished me well and told me to keep him updated.
Phew!!
I must say, I'm in a much better place mentally now than I was a couple of months ago. I could have withstood the scrutiny, but I am very thankful that I didn't have to.
All this and I still haven't shared my good news.
On the way home I needed to make a stop for candy for Aiden's very, very late birthday party which is tomorrow. His birthday was in January but because of the circumstances he never had a party, which I had promised him. While I was in the store Bob took it upon himself to call the thermography/sonogram office. So when I got back out to the truck he informed me that they mailed the results. Mailed them, really?
I know they told me they would email them to me. I remember thinking that was strange because they had mailed me the results of the thermogram. I have no idea how long the results were sitting right there in my mailbox. If I was a normal person and checked my mail everyday I would have had them earlier. But there they were, waiting for me when I got home.
The report is as follows:
Lt. breast- one cyst found in the 3 o'clock position (who knew they used a clock to describe locations in the breast? I didn't until all this started), no solid masses seen, enlarged lymph nodes (normal for the situation) and the rest of the tissue has a fibrocystic appearance ( which I already suspected)
Rt. breast- .89 cm mass in the 11 o'clock position (location of the original tumor), solid mass with smooth borders, wider than it is tall, enlarged lymph nodes (again normal for the circumstances) rest of the tissue has a fibrocystic appearance
So there it is. The tumor is less than 1 cm wide and less than that tall. From the images they took, which I have a copy of, it appears to be nearly flat.
What I would love to do is take the measurements from the three exams I've had and make clay models of the tumor. I know that sounds strange but I think it would help me visualize how much it has shrunk since first finding it. It is a three dimensional shape and sometimes I forget that and think of it two dimensionally. Just a thought.
Anyway...
In February, at the time of my diagnosis, it was measured at 2.5 cm. It did shrink after the first round of chemo.
It was measured again at the end of March, at the time of the second round of chemo,1.5 cm wide by 1 cm tall. It was still palpable. After the second round of chemo there seemed to be no change and was still palpable.
It remained that way up until I started having swelling and pain in my breasts a few weeks ago. After the enlarged breast tissue went down the lump felt very tiny.
Now, it's measuring .89 cm. wide. It is no longer palpable.
I'm actually glad it isn't gone. Why? Because I don't want there to be any doubts in anyone's mind what cured this c*****. I don't want anyone to be able to say it was the chemo. At this point, approximately 11 weeks post chemo, I think it is safe to assume the chemo is out of my system.
There are, I'm sure, many people who doubt what I am doing will work. Heck, even I had my doubts. I had moments of "oh my gosh, what were you thinking?"
I don't anymore. I'm confident that this is working.
Even if others doubt that what I am doing had anything to do with the shrinkage of the tumor, there is one undeniable fact; it's not growing. I have completely stopped it from growing and spreading.
It's recommended I follow up with another ultrasound in 3 months. I'm leery of waiting that long. I will probably repeat in 6 weeks. At that point, it will be evident of what is curing this c*****. I'll be able to compare the measurements from this ultrasound with the ones from the next.
There's one thing I wanted to clear up.
I originally had said that I was diagnosed as stage 1. That's incorrect. I was actually stage 2. I know it must seem strange to not know something that important.
Here's what happened.
When I met with the surgeon in Pittsburgh, the first c***** doctor I saw, I asked him, "so, I'm stage 1, right?" nodding my head yes.
It wasn't until much later, in fact, after I was looking at the paper that read "unfavorable", that I had memories of that visit. I remember so clearly the look on his face and the gesture he made with his hands, the shrugging of his shoulders, while he said "sure" as the answer to my question.
When I went to Chicago to continue treatment, they said I was stage 2. I thought it was odd but I didn't really question it. Why? Probably because I was still overwhelmed, still trying to process everything that was happening. Maybe it just seemed not as bad that way. I really don't know.
There are two things that would qualify breast c***** as stage two:
1. if it has spread to the lymph nodes, no matter the size
or
2. if it is bigger than 2cm, even if there is no lymph node involvement
I never had lymph node involvement, but my tumor was larger than 2 cm. (2.5 cm)
So technically, I was stage 2 not stage 1. Not that it matters to me now. The regimen is the same whether I'm stage 1 or stage 4. It works all the same. Just wanted to clear that up.
As the results have time to sink in, I'm in such amazement. It really seems so surreal to me. I'm not sure I have the words to describe how I feel exactly just yet. I know I'm feeling thankful and blessed, but even those two words don't quite encompass it all.
Knowing that it's working just gives me the motivation to keep going strong and pushing through till the end.
And that championship baseball game, Aiden's team won, 7-4
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Not Quite Good News Yet
I had my sonogram today and it went well. Just as I thought, the images are sent out to be read by a radiologist. The results are then emailed to me, so I'll be checking my email just about every second.
I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I'm really excited about the possible results. I have seen a complete change in the fibrocystic condition of my breasts that I was experiencing. Without all the extra swollen, enlarged tissue I can easily feel what I need to. And I think it's good. Though the technician wasn't able to tell me much she did verify that the one lump I was concerned about is a cyst. YAY!!
Now for the fun part...waiting.
I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I'm really excited about the possible results. I have seen a complete change in the fibrocystic condition of my breasts that I was experiencing. Without all the extra swollen, enlarged tissue I can easily feel what I need to. And I think it's good. Though the technician wasn't able to tell me much she did verify that the one lump I was concerned about is a cyst. YAY!!
Now for the fun part...waiting.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
A Long Overdue Update
Ahhh, summer break!! I can finally concentrate on what I need to do, and it's a long list.
Here's an update on what's been going on.
When I had the thermography screening done last month it showed that I had a condition known as estrogen dominance, basically a hormone imbalance. I have no reason to think this was the case before all this started, but rather a side effect of the treatments I had. My ovaries had stopped working for a period of time and were just functioning again at the time of the screening. So maybe if I had left things alone it would have all leveled out, but I didn't. On the advise of the doctor, I started using a plant based progesterone cream. I felt uneasy about using it and stopped. A couple of days after I stopped using the cream my period started, (sorry men, I know how much you love hearing about that stuff) and my breasts got extremely lumpy, not unusual for that time of the month for some women, but for someone in my situation pretty scary. Now, my first thought was probably the same as yours, it's spreading. I spent a short amount of time panicking, by short I mean maybe 5 minutes. Then I spent some time trying to rationalize with myself- These lumps hurt, c***** lumps don't hurt most of the time. These lumps weren't there before my cycle. They are probably just cysts. Right?
After panicking and rationalizing I handed it over to God. "I let the peace of God rule in my heart and I refuse to worry about anything." (Colossians 3:15) Besides the fact that it doesn't feel good to be in a constant state of worry, it's not good for me and it's counterproductive in my treatment. It also doesn't change anything. This is what I keep telling myself.
Then my period was over and the lumps and pain were still there...another brief moment of panic followed by more rationalizing. It was at that point I read about fibrocystic breast condition. Most of the symptoms seemed to make sense and it's brought on by hormone fluctuations. But this still poses a problem because how can I tell if there is growth in the original tumor with all these other lumps and bumps going on. Ugh!
I talked with Bob about it and we decided I would try the progesterone cream again. This time I prayed that if I wasn't suppose to use it then please God make that obvious to me. And oh my was it ever so obvious! Within a half of an hour of using it I was insane. I was acting so irrationally and I knew it, but I couldn't stop. I was angry and throwing things around. I was so irritable I didn't even want to be around myself. It was the same for most of the day at work. By the end of the day all I wanted to do was lay on the couch and be miserable. When I looked it up, it turns out many woman have the same bad reaction to progesterone cream. So I won't be using that anymore. But as a result of using that stupid cream one time, my period started again just a few days later, just 2 weeks after the other one. So to say I am an emotional wreck might be an understatement. I'm moody and miserable.....YUCK!
So is the c***** spreading or are these lumps just cysts? I have no clue. I'm leaning towards cysts.
I have an ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow, Wednesday June19. It's of the breast area only. Based on what they have to say I will know whether or not a broader look may be necessary. If these are cysts then they will be able to tell the difference during the ultrasound. I'm assuming that just with anything else I won't know the full results tomorrow. They probably have to send it out to be read.
Besides lumpy breasts and mood swings everything else is good. My stomach issues are 100% better. I can eat raw fruits and vegetables again without any problems. My energy level is probably normal for any 30 something year old who has been inactive for months, but it's improving.
I was thinking back a few days ago to right after I had chemo for the first time. I wasn't even able to walk the short hallway at work without being exhausted afterward and my feet numb. Now I am able to go for long walks and I seek out big hills and steps. When you're in that moment of being completely drained of all energy you can't imagine ever feeling normal again, but I do. Physically, I feel really good.
Even mentally, most of the time I'm fine. This moodiness has been just over the past few days.
I am really excited that I have found a way to get high doses of vitamin C which will be more time efficient and cost effective than getting the IV. Getting an IV meant driving an hour, sitting for a few hours while it dripped, and then driving home. They said I should do this 2-3 times a week at $90 a pop plus gas, not to mention all the time I wouldn't be with my children.
I just started taking high doses orally. I've read from several sources how to reach your tolerance level to make sure it is effective. So that's what I've been working on the last two days. In short, you take hourly doses of vitamin C powder until you have watery stool. The more sick you are the higher your tolerance will be. As you get better your tolerance will be less. Pretty cool!! I still haven't reached my tolerance level yet.
The other thing I have added to my daily regimen is garlic...yep garlic. I may not smell too pretty but it's supposed to be very good at fighting c*****. I cut up two cloves daily and swallow the chunks. YUM! I apologize ahead of time to anyone who has to be around me. I'll try to keep my distance.
And lastly, my hair. I know this isn't much of an update, I still don't have any. I shouldn't say any because I do have some. I trimmed it again just the other day using a number three attachment on the clippers. There are a few thick patches but for the most part there's still not enough to cover my entire scalp. I have just recently traded in my headcoverings for a cooler, more breathable ball cap.
To wrap this up, I'm good, better than what people probably expect. "The peace of God which passeth all understanding keeps my heart and my mind through Christ Jesus. And things which are good, and pure, and perfect, and lovely, and of good report, I think on these things. (Philippians 4:7-8)
Here's an update on what's been going on.
When I had the thermography screening done last month it showed that I had a condition known as estrogen dominance, basically a hormone imbalance. I have no reason to think this was the case before all this started, but rather a side effect of the treatments I had. My ovaries had stopped working for a period of time and were just functioning again at the time of the screening. So maybe if I had left things alone it would have all leveled out, but I didn't. On the advise of the doctor, I started using a plant based progesterone cream. I felt uneasy about using it and stopped. A couple of days after I stopped using the cream my period started, (sorry men, I know how much you love hearing about that stuff) and my breasts got extremely lumpy, not unusual for that time of the month for some women, but for someone in my situation pretty scary. Now, my first thought was probably the same as yours, it's spreading. I spent a short amount of time panicking, by short I mean maybe 5 minutes. Then I spent some time trying to rationalize with myself- These lumps hurt, c***** lumps don't hurt most of the time. These lumps weren't there before my cycle. They are probably just cysts. Right?
After panicking and rationalizing I handed it over to God. "I let the peace of God rule in my heart and I refuse to worry about anything." (Colossians 3:15) Besides the fact that it doesn't feel good to be in a constant state of worry, it's not good for me and it's counterproductive in my treatment. It also doesn't change anything. This is what I keep telling myself.
Then my period was over and the lumps and pain were still there...another brief moment of panic followed by more rationalizing. It was at that point I read about fibrocystic breast condition. Most of the symptoms seemed to make sense and it's brought on by hormone fluctuations. But this still poses a problem because how can I tell if there is growth in the original tumor with all these other lumps and bumps going on. Ugh!
I talked with Bob about it and we decided I would try the progesterone cream again. This time I prayed that if I wasn't suppose to use it then please God make that obvious to me. And oh my was it ever so obvious! Within a half of an hour of using it I was insane. I was acting so irrationally and I knew it, but I couldn't stop. I was angry and throwing things around. I was so irritable I didn't even want to be around myself. It was the same for most of the day at work. By the end of the day all I wanted to do was lay on the couch and be miserable. When I looked it up, it turns out many woman have the same bad reaction to progesterone cream. So I won't be using that anymore. But as a result of using that stupid cream one time, my period started again just a few days later, just 2 weeks after the other one. So to say I am an emotional wreck might be an understatement. I'm moody and miserable.....YUCK!
So is the c***** spreading or are these lumps just cysts? I have no clue. I'm leaning towards cysts.
I have an ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow, Wednesday June19. It's of the breast area only. Based on what they have to say I will know whether or not a broader look may be necessary. If these are cysts then they will be able to tell the difference during the ultrasound. I'm assuming that just with anything else I won't know the full results tomorrow. They probably have to send it out to be read.
Besides lumpy breasts and mood swings everything else is good. My stomach issues are 100% better. I can eat raw fruits and vegetables again without any problems. My energy level is probably normal for any 30 something year old who has been inactive for months, but it's improving.
I was thinking back a few days ago to right after I had chemo for the first time. I wasn't even able to walk the short hallway at work without being exhausted afterward and my feet numb. Now I am able to go for long walks and I seek out big hills and steps. When you're in that moment of being completely drained of all energy you can't imagine ever feeling normal again, but I do. Physically, I feel really good.
Even mentally, most of the time I'm fine. This moodiness has been just over the past few days.
I am really excited that I have found a way to get high doses of vitamin C which will be more time efficient and cost effective than getting the IV. Getting an IV meant driving an hour, sitting for a few hours while it dripped, and then driving home. They said I should do this 2-3 times a week at $90 a pop plus gas, not to mention all the time I wouldn't be with my children.
I just started taking high doses orally. I've read from several sources how to reach your tolerance level to make sure it is effective. So that's what I've been working on the last two days. In short, you take hourly doses of vitamin C powder until you have watery stool. The more sick you are the higher your tolerance will be. As you get better your tolerance will be less. Pretty cool!! I still haven't reached my tolerance level yet.
The other thing I have added to my daily regimen is garlic...yep garlic. I may not smell too pretty but it's supposed to be very good at fighting c*****. I cut up two cloves daily and swallow the chunks. YUM! I apologize ahead of time to anyone who has to be around me. I'll try to keep my distance.
And lastly, my hair. I know this isn't much of an update, I still don't have any. I shouldn't say any because I do have some. I trimmed it again just the other day using a number three attachment on the clippers. There are a few thick patches but for the most part there's still not enough to cover my entire scalp. I have just recently traded in my headcoverings for a cooler, more breathable ball cap.
To wrap this up, I'm good, better than what people probably expect. "The peace of God which passeth all understanding keeps my heart and my mind through Christ Jesus. And things which are good, and pure, and perfect, and lovely, and of good report, I think on these things. (Philippians 4:7-8)
Monday, May 27, 2013
Eating as Though My Life Depends on it....Oh wait, it Does
What does growth rate mean when you're talking about tumors? Well, let me explain it to you the way it was explained to me by one of my doctors later in this process.
If you took 100 cells from the tumor, the percentage of those cells that divided is the growth rate. If 10 cells divided out of that 100 cells the growth rate would be 10%. Anything under a 10% growth rate is considered favorable. If 20 out of the 100 cells divided the growth rate would be 20%. Anything over a 20% growth rate is considered unfavorable.
What was my growth rate? The pathology report stated that the growth rate of my not so lovely c***** was 90%....90%...90%!!! That's pretty darn unfavorable.
I was sitting in the doctor's office during my first visit since being diagnosed when I was first told this number. He never mentioned the unfavorable part. I had no idea what that number meant, none at all. I had never heard of growth rate before. Sure, 90% seemed kind of high, but I had nothing to compare it to. Even when the doctor said it was the highest he had ever seen in his 26 years of practicing, it didn't mean much to me.
I was recently sorting through all of my papers from all of the doctors I've seen over the last few months. I came across a report and the word "unfavorable" jumped out at me. Unfavorable!? It, quite frankly, annoyed me. It was at that point all the pieces started connecting.
Most people have their c***** on average 2-5 years before being diagnosed, so I have read. I was told I only had mine for several months, 6-9 at most, and it was already a 2.5 centimeter mass. I can, looking back, remember physiological changes that occurred during this time that lead me to feel pretty certain I know when the c***** started.
In retrospect, I can understand why all the doctors seemed so panicky after examining me, why they all kept asking how I didn't notice this before, and wondering if I had recently lost weight, making the lump more noticeable. It all makes more sense now.
In a very short period of time, still before I had been diagnosed, I practically watched it grow. When I first found the lump it was only palpable and not visible. Soon I was able to see it bulging through the skin. I recall being in a near state of panic. At the rate it was growing, I felt as though it was going to take over my entire body before they even diagnosed me.
Fortunately, for years Bob and I didn't have any cable, only Netflix. We watched many documentaries during that time. Ones about food, food and c*****, medical industry, big pharmaceutical companies, alternative health practitioners, and many other subjects. When I put this together with what I knew about food's relationship to health from our experience using the Feingold program with our children to correct ADHD-like behavior, it made a lot of sense to me.
But when I was facing the possibility of having c*****, I wasn't thinking sensibly. I fully admit I wasn't thinking clearly during this time. I was too scared and too overwhelmed to formulate any plan.
Bob, on the other hand, was quick acting and on a mission to "fix" me. Being a jack of all trades, he can fix anything. In his mind he could fix me, too. Remembering what we had watched years before, he was very adamant that I not wait for a diagnosis to start on a vegan diet. From that point on I didn't see any more growth. I honestly believe that this is what kept the tumor from growing any bigger or spreading.
I have in past posts described my dilemma in making my decision of a holistic approach vs. a conventional medical approach. I did originally decide to go with chemotherapy. After the first round of chemo the mass did shrink a considerable amount. After the second round, which was a different, less powerful drug, there didn't seem to be any change in the size at all.
Once starting chemotherapy I didn't follow a vegan diet very strictly at all. I can even recall a time after getting the phone call when they told me I was BRCA1 positive binge eating chocolate, and just not caring at all that I was giving my c***** the other thing it loved to feed off of, sugar.
I find it very odd that doctors don't tell you to avoid certain foods that feed c*****. In fact, I got the complete opposite advice from the hospital. They sent me home with a pamphlet, "What to Eat While on Chemo?". It said eat comfort foods like ice cream, pizza, and chocolate. REALLY??? If that's what you chose to eat against medical advice that would be your decision to do so, but for that to be the advice from doctors is absolutely ludicrous to me.
Anyway, all this rambling to bring me to the point of my story. Here I am two months post chemo treatment and my lump is not growing. It went from a super charged, highly aggressive, rapidly growing mass to not growing. You can not attribute the lack of growth to anything other than what I am eating. The chemo drugs, at this point, are completely out of my system. That is amazing to me.
Not growing is good, but it isn't my goal. Obviously, I want this thing gone. But trying to do it while working has been a challenge. I've also tried not to let this interfere too much with my children's lives, making it a point to go to every soccer and baseball game just as I always have. With baseball and soccer coming to an end and only 3 weeks of work left until summer vacation, I'm putting my plan on paper because it's just so easy to forget all the things I want to be doing. I either forget to dosomething or don't have the energy at the end of a long day. I plan to make ridding my body of this c***** my work for the summer.
As far as an update, I did have a vitamin C IV last Monday and I am scheduled to have another one on Wednesday, May 29th. I am currently looking for a doctor closer to my house who can provide those for me. It would save both time and money since the one I am currently seeing is a 100 mile round trip. In a suburban that's not cheap.
My hair continues to be slow about growing back. As my sister pointed out to me, a baby's hair doesn't all grow in at the same time. It takes awhile before it's thick. All of my children were still practically bald on their first birthday. I hope it happens quicker than that. In the meantime, I will keep reminding myself, it's just hair.
The school that my children attend and the school where I work did a joint fundraiser on my behalf and raised $1,130. This will be incredibly helpful in my journey as the monthly cost of everything I am doing is about $2,000. Thank you to everyone who bought/sold/made hoagies. I really do appreciate all of your support. And thank you to everyone else who has sent cards, notes and donations. I am truly feeling blessed. I enter all offline donations onto my Go Fund Me page so that everyone can see the incredible way in which God is providing for us during this time. If you wish to see it there is a link both on my blog page and my facebook page.
Until next week....
If you took 100 cells from the tumor, the percentage of those cells that divided is the growth rate. If 10 cells divided out of that 100 cells the growth rate would be 10%. Anything under a 10% growth rate is considered favorable. If 20 out of the 100 cells divided the growth rate would be 20%. Anything over a 20% growth rate is considered unfavorable.
What was my growth rate? The pathology report stated that the growth rate of my not so lovely c***** was 90%....90%...90%!!! That's pretty darn unfavorable.
I was sitting in the doctor's office during my first visit since being diagnosed when I was first told this number. He never mentioned the unfavorable part. I had no idea what that number meant, none at all. I had never heard of growth rate before. Sure, 90% seemed kind of high, but I had nothing to compare it to. Even when the doctor said it was the highest he had ever seen in his 26 years of practicing, it didn't mean much to me.
I was recently sorting through all of my papers from all of the doctors I've seen over the last few months. I came across a report and the word "unfavorable" jumped out at me. Unfavorable!? It, quite frankly, annoyed me. It was at that point all the pieces started connecting.
Most people have their c***** on average 2-5 years before being diagnosed, so I have read. I was told I only had mine for several months, 6-9 at most, and it was already a 2.5 centimeter mass. I can, looking back, remember physiological changes that occurred during this time that lead me to feel pretty certain I know when the c***** started.
In retrospect, I can understand why all the doctors seemed so panicky after examining me, why they all kept asking how I didn't notice this before, and wondering if I had recently lost weight, making the lump more noticeable. It all makes more sense now.
In a very short period of time, still before I had been diagnosed, I practically watched it grow. When I first found the lump it was only palpable and not visible. Soon I was able to see it bulging through the skin. I recall being in a near state of panic. At the rate it was growing, I felt as though it was going to take over my entire body before they even diagnosed me.
Fortunately, for years Bob and I didn't have any cable, only Netflix. We watched many documentaries during that time. Ones about food, food and c*****, medical industry, big pharmaceutical companies, alternative health practitioners, and many other subjects. When I put this together with what I knew about food's relationship to health from our experience using the Feingold program with our children to correct ADHD-like behavior, it made a lot of sense to me.
But when I was facing the possibility of having c*****, I wasn't thinking sensibly. I fully admit I wasn't thinking clearly during this time. I was too scared and too overwhelmed to formulate any plan.
Bob, on the other hand, was quick acting and on a mission to "fix" me. Being a jack of all trades, he can fix anything. In his mind he could fix me, too. Remembering what we had watched years before, he was very adamant that I not wait for a diagnosis to start on a vegan diet. From that point on I didn't see any more growth. I honestly believe that this is what kept the tumor from growing any bigger or spreading.
I have in past posts described my dilemma in making my decision of a holistic approach vs. a conventional medical approach. I did originally decide to go with chemotherapy. After the first round of chemo the mass did shrink a considerable amount. After the second round, which was a different, less powerful drug, there didn't seem to be any change in the size at all.
Once starting chemotherapy I didn't follow a vegan diet very strictly at all. I can even recall a time after getting the phone call when they told me I was BRCA1 positive binge eating chocolate, and just not caring at all that I was giving my c***** the other thing it loved to feed off of, sugar.
I find it very odd that doctors don't tell you to avoid certain foods that feed c*****. In fact, I got the complete opposite advice from the hospital. They sent me home with a pamphlet, "What to Eat While on Chemo?". It said eat comfort foods like ice cream, pizza, and chocolate. REALLY??? If that's what you chose to eat against medical advice that would be your decision to do so, but for that to be the advice from doctors is absolutely ludicrous to me.
Anyway, all this rambling to bring me to the point of my story. Here I am two months post chemo treatment and my lump is not growing. It went from a super charged, highly aggressive, rapidly growing mass to not growing. You can not attribute the lack of growth to anything other than what I am eating. The chemo drugs, at this point, are completely out of my system. That is amazing to me.
Not growing is good, but it isn't my goal. Obviously, I want this thing gone. But trying to do it while working has been a challenge. I've also tried not to let this interfere too much with my children's lives, making it a point to go to every soccer and baseball game just as I always have. With baseball and soccer coming to an end and only 3 weeks of work left until summer vacation, I'm putting my plan on paper because it's just so easy to forget all the things I want to be doing. I either forget to dosomething or don't have the energy at the end of a long day. I plan to make ridding my body of this c***** my work for the summer.
As far as an update, I did have a vitamin C IV last Monday and I am scheduled to have another one on Wednesday, May 29th. I am currently looking for a doctor closer to my house who can provide those for me. It would save both time and money since the one I am currently seeing is a 100 mile round trip. In a suburban that's not cheap.
My hair continues to be slow about growing back. As my sister pointed out to me, a baby's hair doesn't all grow in at the same time. It takes awhile before it's thick. All of my children were still practically bald on their first birthday. I hope it happens quicker than that. In the meantime, I will keep reminding myself, it's just hair.
The school that my children attend and the school where I work did a joint fundraiser on my behalf and raised $1,130. This will be incredibly helpful in my journey as the monthly cost of everything I am doing is about $2,000. Thank you to everyone who bought/sold/made hoagies. I really do appreciate all of your support. And thank you to everyone else who has sent cards, notes and donations. I am truly feeling blessed. I enter all offline donations onto my Go Fund Me page so that everyone can see the incredible way in which God is providing for us during this time. If you wish to see it there is a link both on my blog page and my facebook page.
Until next week....
Sunday, May 19, 2013
One Foot in Front of the Other
Saturday afternoon, at the conclusion of Ian's soccer game, I packed up the chairs and began to walk back to the parking lot. We had to walk the beaten windy path through the woods, up the hill. It's not terribly long, maybe 5-10 minutes, but when toting the miscellaneous soccer mom items, and not being in as good of condition as I once was, I expected it to be an uncomfortable hike.
Approaching the path I looked up. What felt like an enormous hill awaited me. I really didn't feel like trudging up this hill, but since that's where my vehicle was parked, I had no other choice.
As I started walking, I noticed I was walking with my head down and my eyes focused on the ground at my feet. I didn't think about how much longer or how many more steps it would be before I reached the top. I just kept stepping. I never looked up. And before I knew it I had made it.
Then it occurred to me, this was very similar to the figurative hill I'm climbing. I can see the monumental climb ahead of me, but that's not where I'm focusing. My focus is at my feet, one foot in front of the other, plugging along. And just like the path from the soccer field to the parking lot, I'll be to the top of this hill before I know it. And once I'm at the top, I'll be able to stop, turn around, and see just how big my hill was. For now, I'm just stepping.
Now on to the update.
I went to see a new doctor on Thursday. His office, only 15 minutes from my home, takes half the time to get to. He spent a whole hour talking to me, taking notes on my back story, and listening to my concerns about my stomach. He thought that a hiatal hernia was causing part of my issues. He told me a technique I could use to correct it. He also suggested I switch two of the products I was taking, an enzyme and probiotic, for a kind that he thought would be more effective. After taking his advice I'm feeling 90% better. I'm able to drink and eat, and think for that matter, again. I say think because when you're in as much pain as I was in it's hard to think straight. I'm sure in a few more days I'll be back to feeling 100%. Well, I'll be back to feeling how I was feeling before the stomach issues. I'm not sure at what point I'll be back to pre-chemo feeling again.
In addition to the other therapies, I've started using a Rife machine, available at the doctor's. I really don't have a good enough understanding of it yet to be able to explain it. All I know is it uses radio waves to help current many different conditions, c***** being one of them. My thought is if it isn't going to hurt than why not, it's only $6 a week.
Also available for use at the new doctor's is an infrared sauna, which I have not used yet, but it is one of the things on my list that I have wanted to do. It's supposed to be very good for detoxing. One of the things that the thermo imaging did show that I forgot to mention was that my lymph system is clogged. Since that is your bodies first line of defense against cleaning the rest of your body it is something I need to work on cleaning out, which using a sauna would be very useful in helping to do.
Tomorrow, Monday May 20th, I have my weekly appointment for an IV. I'm switching to the vitamin C this time. From everything that I have read about it, I feel as though it will be more beneficial than the H2O2. Plus, I can't be entirely sure that the hydrogen peroxide didn't somehow contribute to the imbalance of bacteria in my stomach being that it was already compromised from the two rounds of chemo.
Thank you for the many prayers. Until next week...
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Lesson # 138 Be Thankful
This past week and a half has been a lesson in
being thankful. I have learned my lesson, I’ll be happy to eat my veggies, or
anything else for that matter, from now on. No more complaining about not being able to eat what I want.
Sometime
early last week I began to experience extreme discomfort after eating. Over the
course of a few days this turned into excruciating pain when anything hit my
stomach, even water. It made it next to impossible to eat how I need to in
order to heal my body. I wouldn’t eat because I knew that when I did I would be
doubled over in pain for hours afterward. It just wasn’t worth it. Eventually,
I would get so hungry that I would have to eat and deal with the pain that
inevitably would follow. Eating foods that I simply found to be not so
appetizing would have been welcomed at this point.
Imagine if
someone inserted a bicycle pump directly into your stomach and began to pump.
Pump, pump, pump. The stomach expanding to the point it felt like it might
burst. This is the only way I can describe how I felt. My stomach hurt. It hurt
to even place my hand on it.
Then in
addition to being hungry, doubt and worry starts to set in. Wonder if it has
spread? I had two rounds of chemo. Have I detoxed too quickly? Do I have damage
to my liver or pancreas or gallbladder? Ulcers? Yeast over growth? Parasites
from raw food? The possibilities were endless.
I was hesitant to seek help from conventional medical professionals before all this
started, and even more so now. I don’t have much faith in their abilities to
diagnose in every situation. Their knowledge, in my opinion, is limited and
narrowly based mostly on prescription drugs, which would be counterproductive
in my current situation, and treating symptoms, without treating the primary
causes.
Antibiotics,
while they have their purpose, are extraordinarily overused. What people don’t
realize is that it can take your body up to two years to recover from one
course. It not only kills the bad bacteria, but it also kills the good
bacteria. A very large percentage of your immune system, something like 70%, is
contained within your gastrointestinal tract, and is dependent upon healthy gut
flora, something antibiotics would destroy. Since my chosen therapy is based on
boosting my immune system, taking antibiotics would be out of the question. And
taking any other prescription drugs would only be masking a bigger problem, not
fixing it.
I thought of
other possible scenarios if I elicited the help of medical doctors and
ultimately decided that going to the emergency room, while not completely ruled
out as unnecessary, would be my absolute last resort.
First, I was
going to try to fix it alone, well not completely alone. I had Bob to help me.
He’s been like my own personal Dr. House.
I have some
theories about what may have been causing the pain, but I can’t say for sure.
There were a number of things that all changed around the same time.
I’m trying some different things. I’m taking
an enzyme and probiotic. I drank apple cider vinegar to flush out my
gallbladder, coconut oil for its multiple, wonderful uses, and trying to eat
more often. So far things seem to be improving. I’ve eaten a few meals and with
each one the pain decreases.
It’s not
just medical doctors I have problems with. After a ridiculous last appointment
with the natural doctor I've been seeing and have for years, I’ve decided to
look for another one. I left his office on Monday feeling as though he was
little to no help. He may be a brilliant man, but his antisocial behaviors have
exceeded my tolerance levels. He’ll serve some purpose as I move forward, but I
need someone I feel as though I can confer with and it’s not him.
Hydrogen
peroxide treatments are going well. I’ve had two so far. I’ll continue with
those on a weekly basis.
The results
from my first thermal images are back. It showed I am estrogen dominance. I
question whether this was the case before all this started or if this is a
result of the treatments I underwent. When I looked up the symptoms of having
excess estrogen, I’m definitely experiencing more now than I was prior to
having chemotherapy. Regardless, it’s my current situation that I have to try
to correct.
I’m
questioning whether thermal imaging is going to be the best way to monitor my
progress. I was told if there wasn’t a palpable lump, they wouldn’t have been
able to even tell that I have c*****, and I’m not sure why that is. I clearly
still have a lump. So I am not convinced this will be the best monitoring tool.
I’m not an expert in thermography, but I wonder if the excess estrogen could be
masking the tumor.
And even
though I don’t think this is the case, the other possibility is that the c*****
cells are dead and just have not been reabsorbed by the body. I have read
stories where this has happened.
I was
surprised to find out that the same facility where I had my thermal imaging
done also offers sonograms. So next month I’ll have a sonogram. I know from
when I had my original sonogram done, before my biopsy, they were able to
measure the lump and tell me the exact size, which at the time was 2.5 cm or just
about 1 inch. So I do feel as though this will be a better way to track
progress.
Hair status:
I am almost
7 weeks post chemo. I was told that hair starts to grow back after a month.
Somewhere in my head I created this scenario where all my hair would all grow
back in at the same time as full as it was before it started to fall out.
WRONG!! My hair is in three stages; the hair that never fell out, the hair that
fell out and has started to grow back, and the hair that has yet to grow back.
It’s obviously going to be a much longer process to grow back hair than I
originally thought. Until that time I'll just continue to wear my headcoverings.
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